Lenten Learnings and Easter Excitment

This journey of the last few days has been an interesting one and I find it even more intriguing that the unplanned Lenten gift, the one stumbled upon, has been the most significant.

I think I was right to cut back (mostly give up) TV and reading extra-scriptural things; I ended up spending a lot more time reading my scriptures and talking to God in the resulting quiet when the TV was not on to distract me while folding laundry or prepping dinner.

But my sugar fast has provided the biggest insights of all.

I fully admit to reverting to the mentality of a 3 year old and I struggled, like my daughter, to remember that Easter was about the atonement, crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus and not my finally getting to eat chocolate.

This last week was full of painful anticipation; I knew my days were numbered: one week, five days, tomorrow! And yet they were the longest days I endured during the whole period, to be so close and yet infinitely separated from something I adore. These feelings intensified my reading of the scriptures this week as the children and I rehearsed each day what Jesus was doing on that particular day. Every time I would get a pang for something sweet I would think: today Jesus was relaxing in Bethany; today He was administering the Last Supper and praying in Gethsemane; today - right now - He was hanging on the cross; today - right now - the world darkened. I thought it fitting that Good Friday here was rainy and dreary.

Saturday was busy and crazy running here and there with general activities and preparations for Easter with me not turning in for sleep until almost midnight. But the whole day I thought of Mary Magdalene and how she would have attended her worship services and spent the day in Sabbath activities, the whole while thinking of the body of Jesus and waiting, yearning for the moment she could tend to His body and render Him the final service she could give; I thought of all their sadness and the passing of my mother and how in the first few days of loss, sleep is almost impossible for the tears and weight of grief. Fittingly, then, I tossed and turned and got the worst night of sleep ever.

I woke up at 5am this morning giddy. The house was still. My children were sleeping. The sky was lightening. I walked out to the front room and saw my Easter box with my bags of hand picked, delectable, locally made and completely crave-able, even when I'm not fasting, chocolate and stumbled to the couch; I had already decided not to partake until I had read my scriptures. I laid down on the couch and went back to sleep, drifting in and out, for the next hour and half.

The rays of sun were beginning to peak out from behind the mountain when I finally decided that the sleep wasn't worth it and it was time to begin; I cracked my scriptures to John 20 and read, "The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark. . . ." I thought of her waiting for the earliest moment when she could slip away and go to the tomb. I thought of her tired eyes as mine burned from lack of sleep, her anticipation, her grief and then her distress on finding the tomb empty. I thought of her elation on meeting the Savior and being with Him, hugging Him, loving Him that He was alive. I ate my first bite of chocolate and my mouth was filled with ecstasy as my heart was filled with joy at the story and reality of Jesus' resurrection and that He does still live, even now, ever watching over me, ever praying for me, ever listening to me.

In that moment, I understood the gift of Lent - that in some small way I could come not only to appreciate the sacrifices of Jesus and His pain more, but that I might understand the loss of His life, how those around Him grieved and what that means to me and the joy that He took it back up again and all the blessings that fall into my life because of His work.

What a gift! What a supernal joy!

I know that my Redeemer lives.

Happy Easter.

Chocolate and that Jesus Guy

I have yeast issues.

Big ones.

I know - TMI and what the heck does that have to do with the above? I'm getting there.

I've had skin yeast infections ever since I stopped nursing my first born and my boobs sagged and created a nice hot, moist, dark environment for the little beasties to grow in; if you do the math, that's about 12 years.

12 years.

Finally, this last year, the worst symptom started (rectal itching) (and you thought the other was TMI). I'd had enough so when I went in for my annual, my nurse and I had a long chat. The long and short of it was that I had too much yeast in my system and my body couldn't fight it all off. I needed to remove sugar from my diet (GASP) (because apparently sugar not only feeds my soul but also the wee beasties) and take a butt load of probiotics. No pun intended. No sugar meant no candy, one serving of grains per day and one serving of fruit per day and NO CHOCOLATE. Be still my heart - I still have issues when I think about it.

This was toward the end of February. For some reason or another but which I cannot quite recall, I was fasting on February 28th and felt impressed that that was the time to start. Okay Lord, down the rabbit hole we go!

Within two days I started getting bad, daily headaches that I couldn't shake for several weeks.

So I did what any sane woman would do. I chopped off my hair. 8" whooshed to Locks of Love and my head felt pounds lighter.

But I still got headaches so I'm sticking with my "getting rid of sugar is E.V.I.L." diagnosis.

In the middle of March I got sick, really sick - fevers and headaches and overall yuckiness. Did you know (I'm sure it's just the placebo effect) that orange juice makes me feel so. much. better? It does. Did you know that orange juice is loaded with sugar? Yeah. Loaded. (But the headaches did go away so I'm sticking with my "orange juice makes me feel so. much. better." diagnosis.)

So I felt compelled to start the sugar free thing again; this was done with a purpose - to defeat the evil yeast - and I wanted to make sure that mission was accomplished. So I added another month. Which means that April 24th I get to eat sugar again. Which just happens to be Easter. Even though this was so not a Lent thing.

Needless to say, this has been a huge topic of conversation at our house as Mommy has different dinners than everyone else and Mommy doesn't get to eat ice cream or peanut butter pie or Eliza's first batch of "I made them all by myself (mostly)" cupcakes.

The other day we were discussing Easter at the table and my daughter (pay attention - this is the point of the whole sordid tale) said that she was looking forward to Easter because it was the day that we celebrated Mommy getting to eat chocolate.

Really.

All year we've been talking about Jesus. Talking about baptism (as she'll be 8 in November and eligible to be baptized). Reading the New Testament (we're in the Book of Acts). And yet, my daughter thinks that Easter is to celebrate the end of Mommy's temporary, never been done before, sugar fast.

I quickly corrected her and told her that Easter was the celebration of the atonement of Jesus, His crucifixion and suffering and His glorious resurrection and all the blessings that those events bring to us.

Eliza added, "And Mommy getting to eat chocolate."

Perhaps there is not a baptism in our future this year. . . .

Dinner Conversation

Background: My daughter's school class (lower El -1/2/3 combined of about 24 students) is putting on some plays this spring. Sadly, she doesn't get to be in the plays that feature the fog princess or the fairies. She gets to be a play about Anansi the Spider. Worse, she doesn't get to a narrator or Anansi or the Little Bush Deer; she gets to be a hippo. She only gets one line. There were tears over this people.

But this is not about that; this is about our conversation at Monday night's dinner.

Eliza: I want to be Anansi.
DH: You don't want to be one of those!
Me: She means A-nan-Si.
DH: Oh. I thought she said a Nazi.
Q: Yeah. I wouldn't want to be a Russian.
Me: The Nazis were from Germany, not Russia?
Q: Really?
DH: Yeah - ask Poppa; he lived there for awhile.
Me: Or Uncle Kenji - he was born there. Or me, I was made there. I've always wanted to get a t-shirt that said "Made in Germany" on the front.
Poppa (my dad): You want what?
Me: I want a t-shirt that says, "Made in Germany." I was.
Poppa: I'm not having this conversation.

Lent

I'm not Catholic, not by any stretch of the imagination, but I love the idea of Lent. (Mormonism just doesn't have enough rules of it's own, dontcha know.) I love the idea of sacrificing something to try and understand what Jesus sacrificed and a measure of His pain. I love the idea of giving up my "favorite sins" to know Him better and I love the idea of laying down something I love so that Easter Sunday is that much sweeter when I get to enjoy it again.

This year I actually prayed and pondered the matter (I have been known to randomly pull things out of my butt just to have something to give up, so this is definitely a step in the right direction.) and came to the conclusion that I really needed to give up TV altogether. Just for Lent. Completely excluding any time I spend with my kids watching TV. The real aim was to give up my evening TV time in hopes that I would spend more time studying scriptures, etc.

I also gave up reading anything other than my scriptures. No books. No magazines. And (as of today because I suddenly realized that they should probably be included) blogs. Again, with the intent that I would spend more time communing with God and strengthening those habits.

Everything was going well (excluding the blog reading, which I only recently realized) until I got sick. Fever, miserable, lie on the couch and not move sick. I'm sure that someone better than I would have used this time to really talk with God and praise Him even in her trials (I did do a bit of that) but I mainly watched a lot of TV. A lot. As in I acted more like my 12 year old when sick and completely used it as an excuse not to sleep and rest but to watch lots of TV and catch up on everything I hadn't been watching for the previous two weeks.

But everything's back on track.

Sorta.

I've learned that giving up TV while trying to exercise actually works as a deterrent to exercise as TV watching is that carrot that helps me win that daily battle over "to workout or not to workout," and since this seems counter to my improved health goals that God and I have been working on, I'm letting it slide.

I've learned that I rationalize. Sometimes, I rationalize a lot. I may be watching less TV as a whole, but I can promise you that my children are watching more in the evenings so that I can watch and have it be "allowed."

I'm trying to learn how to walk the line between following the commandments (and any extra odd covenants I make with God, like, oh, LENT) with exactness (thinking - the people of Ammon) and zeal and yet not being Pharisaical. It's hard to know where that line is because (as noted above) I am prone to rationalization and laziness and yet also at times (contradictorily) I am too hard on myself.

Let me know if you have it figured out.

Glory Be

Today has been a day of miracles.

My daughter, who was soo sick this morning that she couldn't go to school, was immediately healed upon learning that she would have to spend the day in bed.

The dentist while numbing a small area to replace a decaying filling (pun totally intended) managed to numb me clear up to my eyelid.

I just discovered that, after years of protesting, I do like eggplant parmesan. As in really like it. As in "I might even try to make it myself" like it.

It's been just an awesomely stunning day and it's not even noon!

Drama Mama

I have one daughter.

She has been a crash course in all things female; I swear she came out of the womb with a tiara and full on mani-pedi.

One thing I have noticed is about her is that she is a champion whiner. Seriously. I have two boys. They, believe you me, have done their share of whining. But Eliza - she takes it to a whole 'nother level.

Today she was sick.

Hoo boy.

I'm always uncertain how much to pamper and love and cuddle and how much to tough love.

She woke me up at 3:15am, crying because she was coughing so much she couldn't sleep. I patiently took her back to bed, propped her up on lots of pillows, got her tissue to blow her nose and laid down with her (no mean feat given that she sleeps on a twin bed and last night was her turn with our 70lb black lab), my head tucked at her side and my hip grinding into the floor. When she was safely contented, I told her I was moving to the front room couch and to come get me if she needed anything. She was maybe 10 minutes behind me.

I shared the couch with her but to say we actually slept would be to use that word improperly; sort of like using "slumber" in slumber party. She moaned and whined and complained and cried and would sleep fitfully. I felt bad for her too but at 4:30am, my reserves of patience are woefully low.

I sent her to bed early tonight and I'm wondering what tomorrow holds and how patient/impatient I should be with her. She is only 7. She really doesn't feel well. But my ears . . . .

Careful What You Wish For

Remember (it was soo long ago) when I was bemoaning my lack of humor? Apparently the universe (I'm not blaming this one on God) thought that I was complaining about a lack of fodder for humor, as the very next night, following a looooong, as long as only cub scout events can be, pack meeting, our car stranded us in the back of a store parking lot; the kinda stranded that involves lots of smoke billowing out of the engine compartment.

See, our car, being a paragon of all things reliable, has a slight radiator leak. I was constantly checking the coolant levels in the overflow tank. Apparently, as my mechanic father and mechanic husband had failed to tell me, I also needed to check the fluid level in the radiator itself.  Minor detail, I know.

Happily - I  have a cell phone. (Sure laugh, everyone has one but I've only had one for about a year and a half, this whole "OOooh look! I'm having an emergency and I have a phone of my own!" thing is new to me.) I called my dad - DH being sick in bed - and he walked me through the whole thing. Except I was trying to be as careful as possible while opening the radiator. I knew that the fluid would gush out like crazy and still - I was totally unprepared. The fluid gushed and the lid disappeared and it was dark out and I had to have the hood up to take care of radiator but the hood blocked any light we were getting from the parking lot light and it was almost 9pm and . . . . happily my dad decided to drive out and help us.

So we waited.

And waited.

I locked the doors and walked around to the front parking lot to find my dad because he doesn't have a cell phone and while I mentioned we were in the parking lot, I didn't tell him exactly where in that parking lot.

And waited.

And then, of course, the fact that I had been constipated (See?! the universe was clearly trying to hook me up with an Amy vibe!) decided to magically correct itself (Why is it that stress works as a laxative? How does that help?!) and I ended up walking rapidly through the huge store, butt tightly clenched to the bathrooms, which were, of course, clear on the other side of the store from where the car had chosen to break down.

Back to the car, and then we waited.

I checked my cell phone - it had been over 40 minutes and still no sign of my dad.

Long story short: we ended up waiting for 1.5 hours, my DH finally showed up, fixed the radiator and followed me home without further incidence, loading my children into their beds at about 10:30pm.

The upside: I now know to check the radiator itself; my daughter learned to dress for the weather and not the car; and all three kids got to stay up WAY past their bedtimes. On a school night.

Really, fun for all.

Unfortunately, along with the adventure, the universe forgot to send me Amy's mad skillz for humor which would have made this infinitely funnier. Although the poo issues was a nice touch.