The Middle

I've missed my blog.

Terribly.

I've missed getting comments (although the lovely birthday message from Kari that was completely unexpected was quite a bonus).

I'm finding I don't have much time for reading blogs and interacting the way I did a few years ago (hence getting more people to read my posts and more messages - which was always relative anyway as I never had more than single digits (unless I artificially inflated the numbers by leaving pithy comments to myself)) but I am also finding that I miss the writing.

I have been playing games at work of late. I think I kicked the Facebook bug and it's attendant games (too much time having to request items from other people, playing my made-up characters (I had about 8 or 9) so I wouldn't have to interact with REAL people (pity the poor extroverted introvert) and such but occasionally I do get the desire to continually click my mouse and move things about. However, today, I was thinking about this stress release and realized that the time was incredibly repetitive and nothing too exciting and left me with nothing to show for it. So, perhaps, I thought, I should use that time, my break time, to write.

Also, there has been so much to say, so much changing and so much that I need to process. Blogging helps in this aspect. But I have this annoying CDO aspect that makes me want to start at the beginning of this rabbit hole I'm in. But then I have to go back to 2004 and there's so much to say and I end up saying nothing at all.

So, perhaps the solution is to stop caring so much about neat and tidy and sense making and just to start in the middle, to start in the present, and let everyone (the millions reading this and waiting with baited breath for my next post) catch up as they can.

The present: Rafe is camping with his middle school class and I'm terrified of when he goes on his mission; if I miss him so much when he's gone for just a few days, how much worse will two years be? Q and Eliza and I are cleaning vermiculite out of the attic space to make way for modern insulation.

And I have a new laptop.

My old laptop replaced my dad's work laptop (which was antiquated six years ago) and I have been flying without a computer of my own. My dad finally got sick of me borrowing his home computer and bought me own for my birthday. I think I bought a nicer one than he wanted me to buy (read: I spent WAY too much money) but that's what happens when you just open up your wallet and say, "Have at but get. it. done!"

And that could really be the reason for this post - less "I JUST NEED TO WRITE!" and more "I really want to type on this keyboard and here the clickety clack of the keys."

Only on the Weather and the State of the Roads

It is hard, having be an irregular poster (gad but that sounds odd) for so long, to find something to talk about.

It's not as though I have nothing to say but rather that I have TOO much to say; every piece of witticism, every vague thought, every long item I've pondered over the last few months all come crowding to the fore and try and jump out of my fingertips at the same time; my hands begin to look like possessed marionettes involved in a tug-o-war as they pull from one side to the other side of the keyboard, pressing delete and backspace in between.

Then of course it comes to me: I should just post about the weather right? Because y'all are just fascinated.

I know - not true - but I wonder where to start.

The weather is remarkably balmy (by which I mean sunny and in the low 50's - but compared to a few short weeks ago when I was beginning to wonder if spring would ever really and truly come this year, it's balmy) and such a refreshing change that I'm afraid to breathe for fear that my breath will start a chain of events that will return us to sub-freezing temperatures with below zero on the Fahrenheit scale wind chill factors.  On the other hand, blue is remarkable color for me; it makes my eyes pop.

And our roads are clear.  Just in case you wanted to know.

Update

Well, I am still in limbo with regards to end of the year finances. I did manage to get everything to the accountant but apparently he's on vacation this week (not that anyone bothered to tell me that when I dropped the information off last week).  I'm still feeling very up in the air and wishing that the numbers gave me more certainty about the future of this business....

Happier thoughts...

The FIRST Lego League experience was much more positive.  I made my little NXT robot follow a line and drive around and park in a garage. . . . it was awesome!  I forgot how wonderful it was to be surrounded by fellow nerds.  Even better, fellow nerds who are raising nerd children.  Today, I got an email from FLL telling me that our kit is being shipped.  I'm very excited!

My FIL is flying back in next month (perhaps even on my birthday - hint, hint.  nudge, nudge.) to do some more work on our house.  We passed (mostly) the framing inspection.  We need to fix a couple of items but the interior walls are cleared for plumbing and electrical.  Woo hoo!  We should be able to live in a real house in another year.  Or so.

My two youngers (Q and Eliza) are at VBS this week.  They are having a ball.  It's so fun to see them singing and dancing and praising God with big smiles on their face.  Little makes me happier as a mother.

My computer is a big fat mess.  But hopefully it's almost fixed.  I finished the restore and the problem still occurred so I shipped it back to the manufacturer.  I just got it back today and am spending this afternoon, and tomorrow no doubt, updating, upgrading and installing.  I'm hoping it will all work.  I don't know WHAT I'm going to do if this doesn't work.  I already lost it with my case manager.  (Honestly, I'm surprised that he even continues to take my calls.)

This is one of the least scintillating posts I've ever done.

POSITIVE

So much to tell.

However, I am trying something new.

I have been, if you haven't been able to tell already, completely overwhelmed by life.

I still am. 

It seems every time I begin to adjust and feel ready to handle the new challenges, something else pops up.  I feel like Gideon, watching as my army is whittled down by God from a mighty 70,000 (I think - don't quote me on it) to a whimpy one of 300.

But, afraid that the courts may just show up and mandate that my name be legally changed to Debbie Downer, I am determined to come up with something positive.

I am POSITIVE that there is more rain falling from our skies today than anywhere else in the world.

I am POSITIVE that, barring any angels or miraculous visions, after this Friday there will be no further additions to my family and that my baby is an ever aging 6 year old.  (And yes, I'm POSITIVE my husband will be THRILLED by the fact that I'm announcing this to all the world.)

I am POSITIVE, though I welcome being proved wrong, that we will be living with my father for another year as we wait for our home remodel to be finished.  ("Wait...what?!" you say, "What are you building? A home?!"  More details will follow, I'm POSITIVE, but they must wait as this computer is slower than honey being poured in Antarctica.)

I am POSITIVE that I will continue to remain married despite all of Robert's and my efforts in the contrary.

Hmmmm.....I am POSITIVE that my oldest son will make it to 12 but all bets are off after that.

Whew.

I'm exhausted.

So. much. positivity.

I think I need to lie down now.