Some Days I'm the Bug

First of all, have I told any of you of my pains with my new computer?

No?

Yes?

All I hear is, "No, oh great M, tell us more."

So, I will.

Our business's main computer was old five years ago when my mom passed away.  I'd been working by remote access for five years on an antique.  Honestly it was a bit like this:

En-ter. The. Ven-dor.  Fill. In. The. Am-ount.  Press enter.

.

.

.

Check saved.

La-ther. Rinse.  And. Re-peat.

Happily, our business is small and my work limited.

However, when it was to be my full-time, part-time job, I wanted a better rig.  So we bought this shiny new computer with bells and whistles and a lightning fast processor.  Seriously, the checks were saved before I could enter them.

That is, when it worked right.

Right outta the box, I had problems.  So I called the help line.

I got someone in India.

Now normally I've had no problems talking with someone from another country but this saga has taught me that actually understanding words is only one part of the problem.  India has a wholly different culture and perspective on life; the lenses of the people I spoke with were quite different then mine and there was a vast, VAST difference in understanding when I spoke with someone from India versus someone from a Western country.  (Far be it from me to presume that they were in the United States. . . .)

One frustration was that every time I called and spoke someone in India, he would start off at the beginning of his flow chart, asking me the exact same questions as the person before him and giving me the exact same answers, despite the knowledge that I had been through all of this before.

I had to do a system recovery (back to factory specs) on my computer 3 times.

3. times.

The actual recovery is relatively quick (thanks to that lightning fast processor) but then you have to download and install a bunch of updates, not to mention all the software that we need to run the sucker.  A full day, easily, was spent on the process each time.

Another frustration was that I didn't get passed along to someone with higher authority who could do more than tell me to do a system recovery until I got upset.  I used to work in customer service and as such, I try to be patient any reps I talk to and it frustrates me that my courtesy is often rewarded with dead ends.

It took me 3 system recoveries, countless phone calls and scheduled call backs which were not kept (by the computer company) before I got fed up.  The real moment was when I was about ready to perform my 4th recovery (having resigned myself to no other options) and I asked, "What do I do when I complete the recovery and then call back so I don't have to go to the back of the queue?"

"Well," says the kindly representative, "You ask for a case manager."

Pause.

"Well," says me, "How about we skip the recovery and I get a case manager now?"

Remarkably, not even 10 sentences after telling me I couldn't be transferred to a case manager, I was transferred to a case manager.

With the wrong number.

More phone calls.

Finally, I was able to speak with a case manager, the end all, be all of customer support, who tells me that he can do nothing to help me because I don't have any recorded error codes, despite the fact that my computer was freezing, daily, for no reason at all and that a local tech, certified by the manufacturer, said that my motherboard was shot.

A few months passed because I was so frustrated and felt impotent.

Finally, I picked up the phone and called the credit card company to see if we could return it and dispute the charge.

Evidently, you only have 60 days, regardless of all the problems I'd had and my efforts to work it out with the manufacturer.

I called my case manager and said that I was sending it back.  He said that we were not eligible for a full refund, again, despite my problems and my efforts to work it out.  Even though we had purchased the computer directly from the manufacturer, their website actually counts as a separate entity.  And the 21 days in which I COULD have returned my computer, had passed.  21 DAYS!!  That's all they give you, even when you've been working with them.  A.R.G.H!!!

But, glory be, after my attempts to return the computer, expressing my great frustration, and becoming less than pilot. . . . perhaps even less than rude, he was suddenly willing to work on my machine.

Long story short (too late!), I had to mail my computer to them, they replaced the motherboard and sent it back to me.  Via ground.  (Did I mention this was our work computer?) A month after mailing it, I had my computer back.

And again, glory be, it works!!

Until I tried to install the Windows 7 upgrade that came with the computer, and it wouldn't accept my authorization key, and I had to talk to my @^#&!@ case manager again, and, wouldn't you know it, had to do ANOTHER system recovery.

So - THE POINT OF THIS WHOLE SORDID TALE - I was at work today - on my day off - to complete the recovery and set my computer up.  While I waited for files to update/download/install/upgrade/whatever, I went outside to get some water from the hose.  (We have no indoor plumbing - yes, I have to run one block to our home whenever I have to use the bathroom.)  In the process, I stepped wrong, slipped and whoosh! I was on the ground.  I didn't even have time to lie there in an infantile response to the pain zinging through my body as the ground was soaked and my pants were proving quite absorbent. (It's been pouring all day.)

When I went in to check my knee, I had a nice 1.5" cut that was oozing blood.

Then, having quit for the day, one head knock against a brick wall short of a concussion, I went home to make salmon chowder.  (It's been pouring all day.)  (And it's bloody cold.)  (I CANNOT believe today is July 3rd!)  And I managed to bump a counter, knock over a 20oz (at least) cup of water and a heavy frying pan which fell, handle end down, onto my right foot.

To recap: bloody right knee (literally - no swearing here) and  a scraped and bruised right foot.  Not to mention my sore right butt cheek from my earlier fall.

Yup.

Sometimes I'm the bug.

And yes, that whole long tale about my computer?  Purely to get more sympathy for my war wounds and bruises.

I know.  I'm pathetic.

I learned it from my kids.