Unpacking

The question on everyone's mind: Why the move Miss Mouse?

Well....it was a hard decision to make and I still wonder if I'm being overly dramatic.  This blog began in an effort to keep my dear friend in Colorado informed about my life.  Since then it has evolved to being my shoulder to cry on, my soapbox and my megaphone for bragging about my children.  Sometimes, it's even my therapist.  All of that was threatened awhile ago when my friends (real, live people with whom I physically interact on a regular basis) discovered that I have a blog.  I took their discovery as an opportunity to be more authentic and to merge all these many facets of myself into one whole. 

Everything went really well and I was happy feeling as though I was being honest with the world.

However, such honesty opens oneself up and when one is open, the reality is that pain often follows.

A family member, whom I used to count as a dear friend, knew of my blog and was probably one of my most faithful followers.  Since moving to Alaska, though, and spending a great deal of time with her, I am reevaluating our relationship.  The truth is that while this woman is genuinely a kind soul without a malicious bone in her body, her perspectives, humor and way of dealing with life often conflict with my own.  Looking back on moments of pain between her and I, I truly believe that she never meant to hurt me but hurt is what I felt.  And, like the child who touches a hot stove only to be burned, I am reluctant to make myself that open and vulnerable to her again.  I have to continue the relationship: our children adore each other; we are family living less than a mile away from each other; we attend the same ward; we carpool. . . .it goes on and on. 

And since I have to continue the relationship, I have decided to set a few boundaries.  I don't call very often and I limit how often I hang out with her.  And, I have moved my blog.  A bit cowardly, I know.  I should have had a conversation with her, but I'm afraid of hurting her or causing more drama.  So, I'm working on getting my family blog active (you know, the one with my real name and actual pictures of my real children) and inviting her to that.  And I moved my personal blog, changed the name and am now unpacking all of my baggage.

It's good to feel comfortable and truly have this be a nest where my hair can hang down but I'm a bit disappointed that I failed in my efforts to be authentic and true and the same person to all people. 

I guess I'm just not quite ready.