Alternatively titled: I just really want to cry.
This last year has been difficult. More difficult than I ever expected. Should I take it as a measure of God's confidence in me that life seems to get more and more difficult? Or should I just take it as a measure of my own self-defeating behaviors? I'm never certain.
DH and I have been married for almost 13 years.
13 years of hard work.
When I first got married, I thought our marriage would be like my parents. They made it look ever so easy and fun.
I'm having a hard time finding the fun anymore.
We are arguing over ev.ery.thing. Seriously.
The smallest comments seem to start a fight, even comments about how we don't want to start a fight.
For the first time, we both simultaneously want out.
Yet divorce is not really an option. Religion aside, we both view marriage as a lifetime commitment. We still love each other deeply. And then there are the children. When I was a teenager, I never understood why adults would want to stay together just for the children's sake. Now that I'm a mom and wife, I totally get it.
I just don't know what to do.
I've been thinking lately about counseling but I have no idea how to find a counselor whom we both could work with.
It's funny, though. I've been thinking of this post for the last several months. This post was one of the reasons my blog moved and now that I'm typing it, I'm at a loss for words.
There have been so many times when I could have typed a long diatribe against my husband, listing his many faults and his many transgressions against me.
But right now, all I want to do is cry and wave a magic wand and make everything better.
Happily ever after better.
When people speak of that lifetime commitment, I'm reminded of "A Tale of Two Cities" and the working-class man seeking advice from the aristocrat, who snorted at the idea of divorce, saying that one married "for better or for worse, and it could just as easily have been 'for better'" or something to that effect...
ReplyDeleteNot that the quote offers anything insightful...
I am a proponent of counseling. Start for yourself, just to cope and bounce things off of a neutral sounding board. If couples counseling is an option, perhaps the counselor will suggest something that would work for the both of you, maybe with a different counselor. Does one of your employers offer an Employee Assistance Program (EAP)? They're so very easy to use and typically under-used.
My two cents...